HAPPY WEEKEND.

mama wore: francesca's collections dress, zara leggings, steven boots bought on hautelook. baby wore: h&m pants & rolling stones t-shirt, minnetonka infant booties

hope everyone is having a happy weekend!  gray clouds have taken up residence over us and there has been a steady downpour since last night.  we are starting to get creative with indoor activities.  today we went to open family swim at the indoor pool in our area.  holden was like a little fish, slapping the water gleefully and kicking his tiny feet.  i wore my "vegas" bikini (it was the only one i could find) and red lipstick which resulted in a lot of gawking and gaping by my surrounding counterparts in their speedo one pieces and tankinis. oops.  next time i'll dress more appropriately for family swim.

MINI MOCS

  

Koala Kids sweater, Zara pants, Minnetonka Infant Booties

we've been on the hunt for the perfect shoes for holden to wear for a while, never finding anything that could capture his little foot for more than a minute or two before being engulfed by the vast ocean of toys and books that is constantly surrounding us.  maneuvering his body into a standing position any chance he gets so that he can walk, his feet desperately need some sort of shelter, a security blanket of sorts, in order to preserve that silky, soft, and smooth baby skin we all covet.  i'm not quite ready to roughen them up just yet.  these are perfect. the fact that they velcro in the back is genius for wrangling baby feet into them and keeping them there. and they're just dramatic enough to capture your attention, but not take over the entirety of the outfit.  so many ways to style them.  i think we are obsessed.

BABY LAUGH ATTACK.

the other morning holden found my mom popping her cheeks to be absolutely hilarious.  just thought we'd bring a smile to your face this morning.

SHARING TIME.

after five days of traveling i am ready to have holden all to myself.  while i love showing him off and sharing him with our friends and family who adore him, i miss the quiet hours that we spend just him and i.  busy days that are spent half-heartedly playing with him while running errands, finishing chores, lunching with friends, shopping, and essentially focusing on myself, result in a powerful yearning for more time with him at the end of the day.  as i'm putting him to bed, savoring that special alone time as i rock him to sleep and he snuggles into my neck, i don't feel ready to lay him down for the night. i feel as though i have missed out on something, missed out on a day in his life.  even though i have been with him the entire day, i haven't been present enough to feel as though i am with him.  i know it sounds a little crazy (and maybe just a little overbearing), but i just love this child so incredibly much, overwhelmingly so, and as time whizzes by right before my eyes, i want to experience and revel in this time with him knowing that each day he is growing up just a little more and that it is going by fast. very fast. 

TRIP TO THE AQUARIUM.

i wish that i could say that our trip to san diego was a fantastic one, but unfortunately, holden was fussy the entire time we were down there.  i'm not sure if he had a stomach ache, if he is teething, if he has an ear infection, or if there is something else going on, but our trip seemed long and frustrating, the whole time leaving me longing for the comfort of my own home, tearful over the pain of my little one and missing the happy baby boy i know so well.  our family loves aquariums so going to birch aquarium in la jolla was a nice distraction for all of us, providing a little reprieve and relief from the incessant fussing that we all were suffering.

CAN'T STOP LISTENING.

have you heard this?  i can't stop listening to this rendition of tv on the radio's wolf like me by lera lynn. so good!

H'S WISHLIST.

as the weather warms up, it's time to stock up on some spring/summer essentials.  here are a few things that are currently on holden's wishlist.

1. YELLOW HOODED ONESIE PERFECT FOR THE BEACH :: 2. HOLDEN'S VERY OWN WOODEN CELL PHONE :: 3. SUPER HERO DOLL FOR BOYS :: 4. STRIPED TANK :: 

5. TEENY TINY BERMUDA SHORTS :: 6. COLORED SWEATER FOR CHILLY EVENINGS :: 

7. YELLOW CUFFED SKINNY PANTS :: 8. THIS CUTE WOODEN GIRAFFE RATTLE & TEETHER :: 9. RED SNEAKS :: 10. CHAMBRAY BUTTON-UP :: 11. THIS PERFECT BANANA ROMPER

GRAB THE REEF WHEN ALL DUCK DIVING FAILS.

on saturday, we woke up business as usual and headed to the second swim lesson of holden's life.  in a place not that far away (but could have been a different planet) my girl friends were dripping in green, taking shots, and drinking green beer...and in a different lifetime i was right there with them.  we left the house without an ounce of green between the three of us and headed to holden's swim lesson.  it wasn't until we were one minute away from the pool and were passing families with children that were outfitted head to toe in green that we realized it was saint patrick's day.  we contemplated turning around to change (it was holden's first saint patrick's day after all), but we didn't, forgoing st. patty's day observance all together.  this st. patty's day merriment was definitely quite different from years before.  

when i spend time with my girlfriends (who have been my best friends since college) that are sans hubbies and sans babies, it's sometimes unfathomable that i used to be by their side celebrating the festivities by bar hopping from early am to early am.  as my friends chat about their escapades from the night before, i feel trapped in an eerie twilight zone, feelings of deja vu waving over me with each sentence that escapes from their mouths.  didn't we have that same conversation a year and a half ago?  didn't we have that exact same night?  it's as if i could seamlessly insert myself back into the life I stepped out of a year and a half ago when we found out i was expecting and i always leave their conversations realizing the dramatic difference that having a child makes on your life.  it's not that as though i assumed their lives would change over the course of a year as much as it just seems odd that their lives haven't when mine has changed so much.

looking back at years past, those days hold a certain nostalgia, memories of the start of dustin and my life together.  we enjoyed being wild and carefree, gallivanting around the city high on love, crazy with boldness and brazenness, but then we were both ready to settle down and start a family. and we did.  and we couldn't be happier.  so this st. patrick's day we didn't get wild and crazy, we didn't head to the bars when they opened maintaining a steady buzz for the entirety of the day only to get kicked out at last call and we didn't binge drink like our former UCSB selves drowning ourselves in green beer, guinness, and whiskey...but once the little man was down for the night, we did sneak out of the house to enjoy a glass of green corona (i was craving mexican), get a little tipsy, soak up time with just the two of us, and remember our days before holden arrived, ever so grateful that he is in our lives and that we are in the place we are now.  it couldn't have been a better st. patrick's day.

FAMILY STYLE.

 mama wore: h&m sweater, f21 dress, zara leggings, jessica simpson boots. dada wore: billabong beanie, vans hoodie, h&m pants, vans shoes.  little man wore: quiksilver thermal, h&m pants.

as soon as i found out i was having a baby boy, i dreamed of my little tow-headed, blue-eyed boy standing in the surf, his small body bronzed from his afternoons spent in the sun and the sand.  i already knew he was going to be a so-cal surfer boy, a miniature version of dustin, so before holden was born, i began to compile his wardrobe, constantly hunting for clothes that would suit his laid-back-surfer-slightly-hipster style.  however, finding baby boy outfits that fit this style proved to be more difficult than i anticipated.  if i was having a girl, i probably would have just bought out the entire girls' section of almost every store i walked into, but looking for baby boy's clothing was near impossible.  i half-heartedly joke that having a boy kept me from going broke (although it's probably a much truer statement than i would like to admit).  i would rummage through rack after rack of miniature sweaters and tees, fingering shorts and pants that were the size of my forearm with a look of distaste plastered across my face as i perused the selection hanging before me.  where were the surfer clothes for babies?  

i knew that my baby was going to wear quiksilver and hurley baby, but finding these brands can be near impossible.  the online selection is limited and the sizing in stores usually starts at the toddler sizes.  thankfully, the nordstrom's racks in la and san diego have been our baby style saviors.  for some reason, they always seem to have a huge selection of the most amazing quiksilver and hurley baby boy clothes.  after a few trips down south and months of sending friends and family on shopping sprees for me, we have finally compiled a wardrobe that holden and i can be proud of.  he finally has a wardrobe that represents his style.  

all my hard work as holden's stylist paid off because today, one of my mommy friends was introducing holden and me to her friend and she said, "this is holden.  he is the hipster of the group.  he is always very stylish." :: ahhhhh :: what a satisfying feeling.

i am still dreaming of rvca coming out with a baby boy clothing line (can you imagine?!)

IPHONE DIARIES.

holden,

this week the rain has been endless, an everlasting drizzle, gray clouds smothering the skyline, a heavy fog eclipsing the sun from view.  we have been bottled up indoors, biding our time until the rain subsides, the little man wild and unrestrained.

yesterday we ventured out into the foreboding wall of gray, released from our captivity,  cowering under an umbrella as the rain pelted down from above.  you were fascinated by the blue and white canopy and the wet world surrounding us.  the wind whispers in the trees and you look up to watch and listen because you are connected in a way that i am not, noticing all the little things of our surrounding environment that i have long forgotten how to notice, too busy with life to notice.  the spring blooms drift off their stems blowing wishes into the breeze, a showering mist of rain and beginnings.

the heavy rain gave way to a light sprinkling so we stepped out from under our covering into the elements letting it envelope us into obscurity, the world vacant except for us, my rain boots beating the damp pavement.  you took a sharp inhale, squinting up a the wall of white reflecting into your eyes, a crisp and cool mist staining your rosy cheeks with fresh dew.  and it's all new to you.  it holds you spellbound.

we dream of the days when the world is nothing but sun and honey, but you reminded me that these days, when the world is drenched and dim, i should still venture out with you, exploring every part of the world that you haven't seen because the entire world is your playground.

love,
mum